HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
