So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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