Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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