my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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