3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
