i permit you to call me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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