i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
