matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I love having hate sex.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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