do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
