I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
