You can't special order awesome
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
