Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
