I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
