Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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