3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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