So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
