Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize