I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's blow job season.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
