that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
