I showed him my bush... on skype.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
