im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
