a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
