My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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