I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
