I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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