I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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