I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
