Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
