Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
