good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
