i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
