Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
