last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.