Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza