Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life