Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance