A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i think im in europe. pls send help