Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
