just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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