her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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