I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
