Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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