READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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