Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize