I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
