I puked a lego.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
