I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
