The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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