Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
