I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
