i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I AM VODKA MAN
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
