I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
