ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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