I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
