I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
