He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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