there's paper in my vomit.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
