you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
