even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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