she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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