last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
