Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
