need another drink. this is the easiest way
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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