I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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