My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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