I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
