I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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