i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
