FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
