I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I understand Curling. That high.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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