So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
