ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
