Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
