You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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